AROUND THE SHOPS

AROUND THE SHOPS

Rochdale was a city. I can’t say it looked much like other cities because at that point in time, I hadn’t seen any other city. As we got off the bus, mi mum grabbed ‘old of mi sisters’ hand and told me to hold her other hand. This was not what I had in mind at all. In my mind, I was already up the next block and round the corner.

Mi mum sez,

“First we’ll go and have a look around shops and then we’ll do shopping last thing so we don’t have to carry it around all day.”

This was one of the first times I’d heard mi mum make sense. Especially, since I knew I’d get lumbered with carrying a couple of shopping bags which was alright for a few minutes but after that I knew my hands would be aching.

“Hey mum, let’s go in here mum. Hey mum let’s go in there mum.” And on it went for half the day. “Hey mum, how come we look in your shop windows longer than mine?” When she was looking in a clothes shop window it was,”Hey mum, can we go now?”

The tension was starting to building nicely by now. 

Whilst she was looking in one of her shop windows, I got bored so I decided to go and find a more interesting shop window to look in. I was looking in a toy shop window at the toys when a couple of mums and their kids went past me, into the shop. Just then, I had a great idea. I followed them in as if I was one of the family. I spent, what seemed to me, a short time in the shop when all of a sudden this voice boomed out,

“What can I do for you, young man?”

I  looked up and saw a jolly-looking face with these round glasses perched on the end of a quite fat nose that seemed to have a reddish bubble on the end of it.

“Nothing mister.”, I sez and made a hasty back-paddle out the front door. The big doorbell clanged behind me.

“Phew!”

I went to the shop where mi mum was left standing and to my surprise, no mum! I had lost mi mum. Why wasn’t she there? She was supposed to be still standing in front of the shop window, according to my plan, but no mum! 

All at once the panic set in.

“I’m lost! What if I can’t find her? What if? What if? What if?”  

I started walking up and down the street but no mum and no sister. Just then, I heard a quiet voice in my head saying, 

‘If you get lost, stand outside the last shop you saw me at.’

I took off as fast as I could, making my way through all these people, to the shop where I last saw her.  No mum! As I was about to cry in fear, a hand from behind me grabs my ear,

“Where have you been you little  bugger? You had me frightened out of mi wits!”

All this time, she was pulling mi ear I didn’t feel a thing. I was so happy to see her. 

“Just for that, I’m tying you to your sister. I warned you mi lad, think I spend my time talking to misen?”

With that, she slips one of dog leads through me braces and ties ‘tuther end mi sister. What an embarrassment! I felt the whole of Rochdale was looking at me, expecting me to bite their  heels just like Lassie the Collie would.

“Hey mum, I want a pee.”

“You would!”, she sez. “Have one off ‘a side a’ pavement in that drain.”

“No! Everyone will see my willie!”

“If you pee your pants my boy, they’ll see more than your willie! They’ll see your red bum!”

How d’ya like that! Standing on pavement, tied to mi sister with dog lead, peeing in a drain hole and everyone looking at me and Iris saying,

“Come on, hurry up! I haven’t got all day to stand here with you! I’ve got shopping to do!”

A kid was walking past, staring at me, so I put mi willie away while It was still going. This wet the font of mi going-out pants. Next minute, I spots a hand flying through the air in the general direction of  mi ear. I just ducked in time and it shoved mi hair out of place which in itself was an unusual thing as I had it plastered down on mi head with mi dads’ liquid paraffin.

By this time, it was getting on in the day so I sez to mi mum,

“Hey mum, I’m hungry.”

“Alright, we’ll go round to market and have some fish and chips.”

Off we go! Fish and chips, I can’t wait!

As we went through marketplace there were stalls everywhere. It was packed with shoppers. Everyone looking for a bargain. The market workers were in full cry.

“Have a look at this ladies. A set of bone chine, made in England ladies. Come up a bit closer love, have a gander at this. Cast your peepers over the pattern. Top quality missus. Feel the glaze on these bread and butter plates, have you ever seen anything like that before? Non-breakables they are.”

‘So he sez’, I’m thinking too misen. ‘One good whack with mi dads’ claw hammer and it would be in bits, all over place. Why do people tell lies? Mum sez it’s not good to tell lies.’

“Now listen to me ladies, I’m not gonna ask you 4 quid for this whole set and I’m not gonna ask you 3 pounds 50. Show that lady the milk jug that goes with it Fred. Not  even 3 pounds for a top quality set of dishes. They're worth at least 2 pounds 50 ladies and I’m not even gonna ask you for that ladies. Give me 10 bob for lot and I’ll throw in one of these pure wool, hand-knitted tea cozies. It’ll go with tea pot love. Lady over there wants one Fred and a lady down front Fred. Come on ladies, I’ve only got 4 sets left. How can ya go wrong at this price love?”

This was the general patter at every stall. Chinaware, fruit stalls, vegetables, hardware, clothes stalls, building tools. You name it, Rochdale market had it.

On our way to Fish and ship shop, I decided that’s what I’ll do when I grow up. I’d might as well start practicing now!

“Look at this mm, finest quality knives and forks, ‘Made in Sheffield’ stamped on back of handle. Enough for 5 people. I’m not gonna ask you for 2 quid for these top quality knives and forks, although they’re worth it. Not even 10 bob or 5 bob. Give me sixpence mum and they’re all yours. I’ll even help you carry shopping home.”

This me mi mum laugh.

We made our way past the live chicken and duck stalls, past the pigeons, cats and puppies for sale and on to the Fish and Chip store. By this time, I’m starving.

“I’m starving mum.”

“You wouldn’t know what starving was Richard. We may be poor but  you’ve never gone hungry yet. Not like some people in this world.”

At long last ,into the Fish and Chip restaurant we go. This was my first time in a restaurant. The building was quite quaint. It was an older type probably easy 1900s’. The windows were the sliding sash kind. It had lace curtains across the center of window and to each side. The door was quite small, made of fancy carved wood. Inside, there were about eight tables that sat four to a table. Each table had a white cloth over it. Four wooden chairs were around tables for seating. We got a table near the wall. The waitress was an older lady, just like mum. She came over to our table and said,

“Hello missus, what can I get you and young-uns’ today?”

Mum ordered fish and chips, two half-orders and 1 full order. I couldn’t keep my hands still. I was trying to read the backs of the forks to see if they came from the market stalls. There was a fancy serviette cloth. I had no idea what it was. It looked like a fancy party hat to me but when I pulled it, it fell out into a big white cloth. I put it back on table and got a spare one from another table.

The waitress, who was a friendly lady, seemed to like talking to mum. I decided to check and see if the plates were also from the china stall. Wouldn’t read much so I studied the patterns. I lifted the plate up to see if there was a pattern on the back too.

To my great surprise, there, under the plate, was a sixpence. I couldn’t believe it! Seeing as mum was still talking, I slid the sixpence out from under the plate and put it straight in my short pants pocket. What a treasure, right under my nose. Now I had some money to buy something.

All of a sudden, the idea arose out of nowhere. ‘I wonder if there’s money under all the plates on the other tables?’

Right then mum said,

“Do you want to go to the toilet before dinner Richard?”

“No.”, I sez.

“No what?”

“No thank you  mum.”

“That’s better.”, she set.

“What about you Sheila?”

Same answer, “No.”

“No what?”

“No thank you mum.”

Mum sez, “Richard, look after your sisters till I come back. I’m going to toilet.”

“Yes mum.”

“And don’t get into trouble!”

The waitress takes mi mum out back to show her where toilet is. I couldn’t believe my good fortune.

I sez to my sister, when I showed her the coins,

“Look what I found.” 

My sister sez,

“Where’d you get that?”

“Under the plate.”

She goes and lifts up a plate and lo and behold there was another sixpence. We turned up two more plates and found nothing.

I sez to her,

“See all those empty tables with dirty plates on ‘em? Let’s go and turn some of them up and be careful nobody sees you.”

I check and make sure the coast is clear. It was, so away we go. We turned up all the plates and found lots more money. As I was walking round the tables and old man smiled at me, then he went back to reading his paper.

‘Oh good, he didn’t see.”

When there was no more money to find, we went back to our table. I said to her, 

“Give me all money and I’ll put it in mi pocket.”

When mum came back, I was sitting dead still. So was Sheila.

“What have you been up to lad?”

“Nothing mum, honest.”

“You’re both too quiet for my liking.”

Just then the fish and chips arrive. I was starving and excited at the same time. Mi sister was great, she never said a word. She’d probably forgot. She was more worried about drinking the dandelion and burdock drink that came with the fish and chips. 

Bread and butter, burdock, fish and chips. What a feast! And jam, to finish off with.

The waitress came and brought mum a cup a’ tea and then said,

“Will the be all for you today, missus?”

“Yes, thank you love. You can bring me the bill.”

The waitress came back with her pencil and pad. She added it all up and then said to mi mum,

“That’ll be 10 shillings and sixpence missus.”

Mi mum goes into her bag for her brown purse but before she can pull it out I pipe up and say,

“I’ll pay for it mum. Can I please?”

Well, Mi mum looks at me so I stand up and puff mi chest out, put mi hand in mi pocket and pull out a fist of silver coins. Then I put mi hand in other pocket and pull out more silver coins. I put ‘em all out on table. Mi mothers’ face just about fell off her head. The waitress looks at me too.

My mother sez,

“Where d’ya get all that money Richard?”

“I found it!”

“Where?”

“Under all the plates.”

Once again, the movie stopped. Then the waiters started laughing. 

“Those are my tips people left under plates for me, young lad.”

“I sez, “What are tips mum?”

“Tips are what you’re going to get when I get you home, boy!”

The waitress has another good laugh and sez,

“That’s a good lad you got there missus.”

MI GOLDFISH

MI GOLDFISH

(Dick Lad was now 7 years old/ The year was around 1954. This is an excerpt from the soon-to-be published book, AN INHERITANCE FROM YORKSHIRE)

On Monday morning school break, I was playing a game of marbles with a few classmates down the back of the school yard. We used to play marbles in the same place every day, not because we liked that particular place it was more out of necessity, as it was the only flat spot in the whole school yard.

In Winter time, when it had been lightly snowing and then frozen overnight, we boys would make an ice slide the full length of the playground. The ice slide would always run along that same flat area as there was a shallow stone wall that also ran the full length of the play ground.  The stone wall would act as a support tor the ones who weren’t very good at ice sliding. On the other side of the wall as a ten foot drop into a farmers' field.

We used to have a game where we’d run up to the wall, put our hands on it and summersault over the wall. The idea was to land on our feet in the farmers’ field ten feet below. There wasn’t many boys could do the stunt as it was quite dangerous and it wasn’t possible to do it if one didn’t practice it.

One morning, as I summersaulted over the wall, I went too far over and landed on mi back. The ground was not too hard and the grass was quite long which was good luck for me or I would have probably broken my back.

Some kid thought he was smart so he tried to do a double-summersault and ended up breaking his arm and collar bone.

It was not long after this that our great game was banned from the school yard.

“Are you going to fairground on Saturday?”, one of the kids said to me.

“What fairground?”

“There’s a fairground been set up on an empty block of land in Ripponden Village.”

“Are you going?”

“Course! Everybody’s going. I thought you knew about it.”

“No! But I’ll be going, long as mi mum sez I can.”

That evening, I brought the subject of the fairground up after we’d had our tea. When mi sisters heard about it they both wanted to go too. So now, three kids were wittering, every few minutes, about the fairground.

At last, mi mum consented to let us go. She said she’d go with us as she didn’t want us getting into any trouble on our own.

By the end of the school week the whole school yard was filled with nothing else but chatter about the fairground on Saturday. 

Most times, when we walked through the woods to school, mi um was always hurrying us up as we used to dawdle around but on this fine Saturday morning it was in the reverse.

“Come on mum! Hurry it up or we’ll be late for the fair!” or “Come on mum, get a move on! The way you’re dilly-dallying along we’ll miss the bus!”

“I’ll give you lot a thick ear in a minute,”, sez mi mum, as she huffed and puffed along the woods path. “I’m going as fast as I can. I’ll remember the speed we’re going today when Monday morning rolls around and it’s time for school”.

“Come on mum, hurry up! A tortoise could go faster than you!”, I sez.

This made mi sisters laugh and it made mi mum mad but least we were going faster now as she chased me along the woods path shaking a long branch at me.

At long last we arrived at the Rippendon Fair Ground. We paid our money at gate and walked right in. Me mum was pretty good that day. She let us go on a good few rides and we each had the standard stick of Fairy floss and a toffee apple each.

Mi mum gave us an extra sixpence each so I spent mine at a stall throwing ping pong balls into a small gold fish bowl. I threw one lucky ball and the man said, “That’s a winner! The young man, down at the front, has won a goldfish and bowl!”

He handed me a small orange colored goldfish. She was he most beautiful goldfish  I’d ever seen. As I compared her to the other ones still in their bowl, swimming around on his table, my little Goldy was the prettiest of them all!

The fairground man had put her in a small plastic bag that was tied at the top so she wouldn’t spill out. Mi mim commented to carry the goldfish bowl, which was about 18” round.

On our way  home,  it was  mi mums’ turn.

“Come on Richard,  hurry up. I don’t don’t want to be walking home in the dark tonight!”

“I can’t go any faster mum in case Goldy bangs her head on the side of the bag.”

“I’ll bang your bloody head on the side of mi hand if you don’t stop dilly-dallying around and talking to that bloody goldfish!”

“Alright, alright, I’m going as fast as I can.”

“A bloody tortoise could go faster than you!”

At this point, me sisters laughed again only this time it was at me!

Eventually we arrived home just on dark. Mi mum busied herself making tea.

“Where the hell have you been wench? I was just about to send a Saint Bernard  dog out looking for you. The bloody cows beat you lot home tonight. I’ve been sitting here starving waiting for you!”

“I’ve been to the fairground.”, sez mi mum. “Did you think I’d run off with a blackman or something?”

“Blackman be buggered! Where’s my dinner woman?”

“I’ve got your favorite food for you George. You’re having black pudding and tripe tonight!”

With that said, she went about her work again.

“Look what I won at the fair dad. Isn’t she a beauty!”

“You’d better be careful the cat doesn’t  scoop her out of the bowl, ‘cause if she does that there’ll be no more bloody goldfish. She’ll be having fresh fish for dinner!”

With that, I snatched mi goldfish back from him and clutched her closer to mi heart!

“Will you put some water in the bowl so I can put Goldy in it?”, I sez to mi mum.

“You and that bloody fish are already a nuisance! Can’t you see I’m busy trying to make dinner? Maybe we should put the goldfish on your dads’ plate and the black pudding in your goldfish bowl?”

“NO! Don’t talk like that or you’ll hurt her feelings. She can hear what you’re saying. See! Now she’s swimming around the bag real fast!”

That was mi mum and dads’ way of teasing me. Mi mum said “Bring me the bowl and I’ll put some warm water in it.”

After the bowl was almost full of sparkling clean water. “All right, tip her in the bowl.”, she sez.

“No, I might hurt her. You do it mum.”

“Give me the bloody thing here.”, she sez, then tipped Goldy, water and all, into her new home.

“Be careful mum or you’ll hurt her!”

“Hurt her, mi arse! It’ll take more than that to hurt her. Now, get that bloody goldfish bowl out of my kitchen before I put her in the frying pan!”

I was out of mi mums’ kitchen within seconds. I was moving as fast as I could without spilling a drop of Goldys’ water.

Everyday, I used to sprinkle some food in the water for Goldy. As soon as she saw me coming with the food, she’d swim round and around her bowl and then stop right in front and look at me. As soon as the small particles of goldfish food hit the top of the water, Goldy would swim to the surface, with her mouth wide open, then start to pick at the small pieces until she’d had her fill. 

Soon as she’d finished she’s slowly sink to the bottom as if she was too heavy to swim anymore. Her tiny gills would open and close much slower now. It was as if she was having a sleep after her meal.

I used to keep her bowl on the top of the old upright piano that me dad had against the far wall.

Me dad was a really good piano player but he very seldom played. It was probably because us three kids would’t stop plonking our fingers on the keys and ruining his songs. We didn’t do it on purpose, it just seemed such a good idea at the time. Instead of only two hands playing there would be eight hands all trying to play their own melody.

Mi dad’s favorite song was the one he always had me play for him on the trumpet. It was called, ‘In your Easter Bonnet.’ He’d only play for a few minutes because he’d soon get sick of his hands getting tangled up with three other pair of hands.

Goldy used to like mi dads’ playing. The vibrations of the notes must have vibrated through her glass bowl. Soon as the music would start, so would Goldy. Round and round the bowl she’d go. At times, I’m sure she used to get a smile on her face.

The only thing she didn’t like about me dads’ playing was when he’d say, “All right! That’s enough! Get your bloody fingers out of the way, you kids. A man can’t even play a couple of songs to himself without you bloody lot getting in on the act!”

With that, he’s slam the lid of the piano shut. Goldy would get such a fright she’d flip her tail madly and spin around the bowl in an agitated manner. 

I’m sure Goldy was psychic because sometimes I’d be sat on the settee with Dinah stretched across mi legs. I’d be just staring into fire when something would pull my head around quite sharply. I would be just in time to see our tortoise-shell cat called ‘meat-meat’, she would be up on the top of the piano resting on top of the goldfish bowl licking her chops! I’d almost have a fit.! Sometimes I’d throw mi slipper at her to scare her off  before she stuck her paw in Goldies’ water. At other times, I’d shew her away, trying to scare her off as best I could.

After meat-meat was chased outside, I’d go back in and get Goldies bowl and put it on the dining table. I would sit there for ages and ages with mi hand and arms on the table and mi chin on mi hands, just staring into her bowl. Sometimes I would talk to her and she’d do her usual slow round of the bowl, then hover in front of me for a few seconds, then round she’d go again.

There were times when I’d just sit at the table, in my usual pose but not talk to her. Most times, after doing this, I’d put mi ear and face on mi hand instead of mi chin and before I knew it, I’d merge into Goldy and the water and I’d disappear.

At those times, mi mums’ voice would shatter the silence with, “Tables are not 

for sleeping on! If you’re so tired, get yourself up those stairs to bed!”

“I’m not asleep!”

“Then what the hell do you call it?”

“I’m still there.”

“Where?”

“Here.”, I’d say.

“Here, there! What the hell are you taking about lad. Sometimes you’ve got me beat Richard. I just don’t understand what’s come over you lately. You used to be such a normal boy. Now you’re always off in some bloody world of your own and as soon as I ask you what you’re doing or where you’ve been you say, There or Here! What the hell is going on with you?”

“Now’t! I can’t explain it to you! I haven’t got any words.”

“Then what the bloody hell do you learn at that school?”

“Now’t! So, I might as well stop going eh?”

“Don’t be bloody cheeky Richard. I’m only asking you.”

“And I’m only telling you! Oh forget it!”, I sez, “You just don’t understand!”

With that, I got up from the table, put Goldies’ bowl back up on the top of the piano, then go and torment mi sisters for a while! I was real good at this. They would be quiet as mice, playing on the floor with building blocks. As I walked past, me toe would, sometimes, accidentally catch the bottom brick and guess what happened then!

One afternoon, I was cleaning Goldies bowl out in the kitchen, at mi mums’ sink. I’d just puled the plug out of the sink and was transferring Goldy back into her clean bowl. Over a period of time, I had learned how to  pick her up in mi hands an scoop her, very quickly, up into her bowl from one of mi mums’ cooking pots.

Mi mums’ big cooking pot came in handy sometimes. I’d fill it with water and put it on the side of the draining board, then tip Goldies water into the pot. I’d clean and rinse Goldies bowl out then fill it will clean, fresh water. Soon as the bowl was ready, I put one cupped hand under gold and one cupped over her and try carefully lifted her out of the cooking put and gently drop her into her bowl.

Something must have scared her that day because I’d just got mi hands over her bowl when she wriggled and jumped through one of the cracks in mi fingers.

PLOP!!

She landed right in the sink! By this time, the water was gushing down the large plughole. The plughole never had a grate in it so the water would make a loud sucking sound as a big whirlpool would form right in the middle of the great big old sink. Round and round went the water. The whirlpool was now getting bigger

Goldy was swimming against the pull of the waters’ current as it went down the hole. She was now losing the battle as the outside of the whirlpool was starting to pull his in towards the center. Round and round Goldy went and the giant sucking sound was getting louder.

Just then, I saw what was going to happen. Goldy was going to go down the large plughole! Soon as I saw this picture, I let out a terrific scream. Mi mum came running into kitchen, 

“What at the hell is wrong with you?”

I was sort of paralyzed at the sight of Goldy heading for the center of the whirlpool. All I could do was hold mi left hand to mi mouth and point mi right hand finger into the sink. Mi mum sprung into action when she saw what was needed. She flipped Goldy out of the water, up onto the draining board. 

Goldy was now panic-stricken. She flipped around madly on the draining board. Then, with one flip of her tail, she  jumped off the board, onto the kitchen floor. I stomped up an down in one spot screaming while me mum chased gold under the small kitchen work bench.

Eventually, mum cupped one of her hands and then curled her fingers around her small, trembling body. She put her other hand underneath and walked over to the sink.

‘PLONK!’ She dropped Goldy back into her bowl.

Goldy was now hysterics she darted around her bowl. She kept swimming, head first, into the side of the glass and bumping her nose real hard.

“You gormless little bugger!”, yells mi mum, as I stood there, tears in mi eyes, staring at Goldy. “You had me thinking you’d fallen off a chair, on your head or something.”

“Look at poor Goldy mum.”, I sez.

“Bugger Golldy!”, she sez. ‘You’ve just given me the fright of my life and all you can think about is that stupid, bloody goldfish!”

“She’s not stupid. She’s real smart. Now, look at her. Something’s wrong with her!”

“Something’s wrong with her? Somethings’s wrong with me. I must have been out of my bloody mind when I I had you lad, the things you do to me boy, it’s enough to upset a bloody saint! Now, get that bloody bloody goldfish out of my damn kitchen, then get back in here as fast you can! Just look at mi kitchen, water all over mi good clean floor. What have you been doing to my good, big cooking pot? Just look at it.! It’s got fish shit all around the inside of it. I’m warning you Richard, if you don’t change your bloody ways I’d shove that bloody goldfish back down the plug hole. I’ve never seen anything more stupid in my life. You think more of that bloody goldfish than you do of your own mother!”

With that, Goldy and me left the kitchen as mi mum mopped all the water up off the kitchen floor, still ranting and raving on to herself!

Goldy was never the same same after that little episode. She went off her food and refused to eat. the trauma of being out of the water for so long must’ve been too much for her to take.

I’d sit in front of her bowl for hours on end trying to get her well again. In the past, she always responded to my thought language but now she never sent them back.

One morning, when I got downstairs, I went over to her bowl, lifting it carefully off the piano. I uncovered the bowl. As I lifted the old towel off of her bowl, she was laying on the bottom, dead! 

This made me me cry my eyes out for ages as I sat there looking at Goldy, slowly rocking backwards and forwards with the motion of the water. Sometimes, I’d swirl the water around the bowl with mi fingers and pretend she was still alive. As the current of the water swirled her around in all direction, she’d twist over and over, round and round, but it was not the same. Goldy was well and truly dead!

As soon as Mi mind had accepted the fact, I put mi hand under the surface of the water in her bowl and cupped mi hand underneath her now stiff body. Gently, I laid her on the old towel . Mi mum gave me an empty Swan Vestas matchbox. I used that for a coffin for her.

As soon as she was carefully laid to rest in her cardboard coffin, I slowly pushed the box section into its’ sleeve. I dug a hole out in the front field being careful not to let anyone see my secret place for her. No one knew where she was going now, only her and me.  

Once the hole was deep enough, I picked up Goldys’ coffin and pushed  the box out of the sleeve a bit. Goldys’ head came into view for the last time. Her eyes were glazed over now as she lay peacefully in her small box.

I put some white cotton in the box as a bed for her so she’d be comfortable. After looking at her, in the silence, for a few moments, I carefully laid her to rest in the black soil grave I’d dug.

Carefully, I sprinkled handfuls of dirt over her box till it was no longer in sight. Then, I scraped a bit of soil away just to check and make sure it was still there. Satisfied it was, I filled the hole in, fast as I could. I went over to the wall and pulled out a round flat stone. I carried it over the Goldys’ grave. Very carefully I laid the flat stone over the fresh earth Soon as the flat stone was in place and everything looked in order, I pulled a small stone out of the wall and wrote GOLDY across the large flat head stone.

A week or so later, when I’d gotten over the loss of Goldy,  I said to mi mum,

“Hey mum.”

“What now?”

“Can I have another gold fish?”

She just about hit the roof! “NO!, you bloody can’t. If you think I’m going through all of that again you’ve got another think coming lad!”

“Jus kidding mum. I just wanted to hear what you’d say.”

“Well now you’ve heard so you can bugger off outside and

play.

I could always get mi mum to bite. She was a real big gold fish!