AROUND THE SHOPS

AROUND THE SHOPS

Rochdale was a city. I can’t say it looked much like other cities because at that point in time, I hadn’t seen any other city. As we got off the bus, mi mum grabbed ‘old of mi sisters’ hand and told me to hold her other hand. This was not what I had in mind at all. In my mind, I was already up the next block and round the corner.

Mi mum sez,

“First we’ll go and have a look around shops and then we’ll do shopping last thing so we don’t have to carry it around all day.”

This was one of the first times I’d heard mi mum make sense. Especially, since I knew I’d get lumbered with carrying a couple of shopping bags which was alright for a few minutes but after that I knew my hands would be aching.

“Hey mum, let’s go in here mum. Hey mum let’s go in there mum.” And on it went for half the day. “Hey mum, how come we look in your shop windows longer than mine?” When she was looking in a clothes shop window it was,”Hey mum, can we go now?”

The tension was starting to building nicely by now. 

Whilst she was looking in one of her shop windows, I got bored so I decided to go and find a more interesting shop window to look in. I was looking in a toy shop window at the toys when a couple of mums and their kids went past me, into the shop. Just then, I had a great idea. I followed them in as if I was one of the family. I spent, what seemed to me, a short time in the shop when all of a sudden this voice boomed out,

“What can I do for you, young man?”

I  looked up and saw a jolly-looking face with these round glasses perched on the end of a quite fat nose that seemed to have a reddish bubble on the end of it.

“Nothing mister.”, I sez and made a hasty back-paddle out the front door. The big doorbell clanged behind me.

“Phew!”

I went to the shop where mi mum was left standing and to my surprise, no mum! I had lost mi mum. Why wasn’t she there? She was supposed to be still standing in front of the shop window, according to my plan, but no mum! 

All at once the panic set in.

“I’m lost! What if I can’t find her? What if? What if? What if?”  

I started walking up and down the street but no mum and no sister. Just then, I heard a quiet voice in my head saying, 

‘If you get lost, stand outside the last shop you saw me at.’

I took off as fast as I could, making my way through all these people, to the shop where I last saw her.  No mum! As I was about to cry in fear, a hand from behind me grabs my ear,

“Where have you been you little  bugger? You had me frightened out of mi wits!”

All this time, she was pulling mi ear I didn’t feel a thing. I was so happy to see her. 

“Just for that, I’m tying you to your sister. I warned you mi lad, think I spend my time talking to misen?”

With that, she slips one of dog leads through me braces and ties ‘tuther end mi sister. What an embarrassment! I felt the whole of Rochdale was looking at me, expecting me to bite their  heels just like Lassie the Collie would.

“Hey mum, I want a pee.”

“You would!”, she sez. “Have one off ‘a side a’ pavement in that drain.”

“No! Everyone will see my willie!”

“If you pee your pants my boy, they’ll see more than your willie! They’ll see your red bum!”

How d’ya like that! Standing on pavement, tied to mi sister with dog lead, peeing in a drain hole and everyone looking at me and Iris saying,

“Come on, hurry up! I haven’t got all day to stand here with you! I’ve got shopping to do!”

A kid was walking past, staring at me, so I put mi willie away while It was still going. This wet the font of mi going-out pants. Next minute, I spots a hand flying through the air in the general direction of  mi ear. I just ducked in time and it shoved mi hair out of place which in itself was an unusual thing as I had it plastered down on mi head with mi dads’ liquid paraffin.

By this time, it was getting on in the day so I sez to mi mum,

“Hey mum, I’m hungry.”

“Alright, we’ll go round to market and have some fish and chips.”

Off we go! Fish and chips, I can’t wait!

As we went through marketplace there were stalls everywhere. It was packed with shoppers. Everyone looking for a bargain. The market workers were in full cry.

“Have a look at this ladies. A set of bone chine, made in England ladies. Come up a bit closer love, have a gander at this. Cast your peepers over the pattern. Top quality missus. Feel the glaze on these bread and butter plates, have you ever seen anything like that before? Non-breakables they are.”

‘So he sez’, I’m thinking too misen. ‘One good whack with mi dads’ claw hammer and it would be in bits, all over place. Why do people tell lies? Mum sez it’s not good to tell lies.’

“Now listen to me ladies, I’m not gonna ask you 4 quid for this whole set and I’m not gonna ask you 3 pounds 50. Show that lady the milk jug that goes with it Fred. Not  even 3 pounds for a top quality set of dishes. They're worth at least 2 pounds 50 ladies and I’m not even gonna ask you for that ladies. Give me 10 bob for lot and I’ll throw in one of these pure wool, hand-knitted tea cozies. It’ll go with tea pot love. Lady over there wants one Fred and a lady down front Fred. Come on ladies, I’ve only got 4 sets left. How can ya go wrong at this price love?”

This was the general patter at every stall. Chinaware, fruit stalls, vegetables, hardware, clothes stalls, building tools. You name it, Rochdale market had it.

On our way to Fish and ship shop, I decided that’s what I’ll do when I grow up. I’d might as well start practicing now!

“Look at this mm, finest quality knives and forks, ‘Made in Sheffield’ stamped on back of handle. Enough for 5 people. I’m not gonna ask you for 2 quid for these top quality knives and forks, although they’re worth it. Not even 10 bob or 5 bob. Give me sixpence mum and they’re all yours. I’ll even help you carry shopping home.”

This me mi mum laugh.

We made our way past the live chicken and duck stalls, past the pigeons, cats and puppies for sale and on to the Fish and Chip store. By this time, I’m starving.

“I’m starving mum.”

“You wouldn’t know what starving was Richard. We may be poor but  you’ve never gone hungry yet. Not like some people in this world.”

At long last ,into the Fish and Chip restaurant we go. This was my first time in a restaurant. The building was quite quaint. It was an older type probably easy 1900s’. The windows were the sliding sash kind. It had lace curtains across the center of window and to each side. The door was quite small, made of fancy carved wood. Inside, there were about eight tables that sat four to a table. Each table had a white cloth over it. Four wooden chairs were around tables for seating. We got a table near the wall. The waitress was an older lady, just like mum. She came over to our table and said,

“Hello missus, what can I get you and young-uns’ today?”

Mum ordered fish and chips, two half-orders and 1 full order. I couldn’t keep my hands still. I was trying to read the backs of the forks to see if they came from the market stalls. There was a fancy serviette cloth. I had no idea what it was. It looked like a fancy party hat to me but when I pulled it, it fell out into a big white cloth. I put it back on table and got a spare one from another table.

The waitress, who was a friendly lady, seemed to like talking to mum. I decided to check and see if the plates were also from the china stall. Wouldn’t read much so I studied the patterns. I lifted the plate up to see if there was a pattern on the back too.

To my great surprise, there, under the plate, was a sixpence. I couldn’t believe it! Seeing as mum was still talking, I slid the sixpence out from under the plate and put it straight in my short pants pocket. What a treasure, right under my nose. Now I had some money to buy something.

All of a sudden, the idea arose out of nowhere. ‘I wonder if there’s money under all the plates on the other tables?’

Right then mum said,

“Do you want to go to the toilet before dinner Richard?”

“No.”, I sez.

“No what?”

“No thank you  mum.”

“That’s better.”, she set.

“What about you Sheila?”

Same answer, “No.”

“No what?”

“No thank you mum.”

Mum sez, “Richard, look after your sisters till I come back. I’m going to toilet.”

“Yes mum.”

“And don’t get into trouble!”

The waitress takes mi mum out back to show her where toilet is. I couldn’t believe my good fortune.

I sez to my sister, when I showed her the coins,

“Look what I found.” 

My sister sez,

“Where’d you get that?”

“Under the plate.”

She goes and lifts up a plate and lo and behold there was another sixpence. We turned up two more plates and found nothing.

I sez to her,

“See all those empty tables with dirty plates on ‘em? Let’s go and turn some of them up and be careful nobody sees you.”

I check and make sure the coast is clear. It was, so away we go. We turned up all the plates and found lots more money. As I was walking round the tables and old man smiled at me, then he went back to reading his paper.

‘Oh good, he didn’t see.”

When there was no more money to find, we went back to our table. I said to her, 

“Give me all money and I’ll put it in mi pocket.”

When mum came back, I was sitting dead still. So was Sheila.

“What have you been up to lad?”

“Nothing mum, honest.”

“You’re both too quiet for my liking.”

Just then the fish and chips arrive. I was starving and excited at the same time. Mi sister was great, she never said a word. She’d probably forgot. She was more worried about drinking the dandelion and burdock drink that came with the fish and chips. 

Bread and butter, burdock, fish and chips. What a feast! And jam, to finish off with.

The waitress came and brought mum a cup a’ tea and then said,

“Will the be all for you today, missus?”

“Yes, thank you love. You can bring me the bill.”

The waitress came back with her pencil and pad. She added it all up and then said to mi mum,

“That’ll be 10 shillings and sixpence missus.”

Mi mum goes into her bag for her brown purse but before she can pull it out I pipe up and say,

“I’ll pay for it mum. Can I please?”

Well, Mi mum looks at me so I stand up and puff mi chest out, put mi hand in mi pocket and pull out a fist of silver coins. Then I put mi hand in other pocket and pull out more silver coins. I put ‘em all out on table. Mi mothers’ face just about fell off her head. The waitress looks at me too.

My mother sez,

“Where d’ya get all that money Richard?”

“I found it!”

“Where?”

“Under all the plates.”

Once again, the movie stopped. Then the waiters started laughing. 

“Those are my tips people left under plates for me, young lad.”

“I sez, “What are tips mum?”

“Tips are what you’re going to get when I get you home, boy!”

The waitress has another good laugh and sez,

“That’s a good lad you got there missus.”